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Something that relationship experts never tell you when they give out their advice on what to look for in a prospective partner is, ‘DOES HE SNORE?’
Well take my advice. Forget about the fact that he is kind and caring, he sprays and flosses daily, he’s romantic and he makes you laugh.
If he snores all night, trust me, you won’t be laughing then.
After a few nights of disturbed sleep, you will feel ready to kill the very next time you hear his breathing change and his throat start to rumble. You know what’s coming. Right.
Are your nights like mine? I got to bed at least 3 hours before the man just to get ahead of the game. To his credit he does ‘try’ to be quiet, when he gets into bed. But men don’t really do ‘quiet’ do they!
For some reason, known only to himself, for a start he has to scratch his legs all over before swinging them under the duvet – why?
Then, after the plumping of the pillows, there’s the yawning, the sighing, and quite a bit of tossing and turning, before peace finally descends.
But then heaven forbid if he rolls onto his back, it’s game over.
To start with, for the first session of snoring, I’m reasonably sweet and lovely. I tap his leg with my toes and whisper sssssshhhhh and he stops for at least a whole minute. But as the time goes on, I get progressively more demented and the gentle tap becomes a kick and the soft whisper becomes a full on FFS shut up!
Sometimes I simply give up and get up. The dog looks confused as I make him shove up on the sofa while I drink a consoling cup of tea, then, the snorer goes quiet, I creep back into bed, desperate not to wake him in case he rolls onto the wrong position and the whole thing starts all over again.
Isn’t it THE most annoying thing, firstly be disturbed and woken up by the snoring, then to have to lie awake listening to someone who is actually in the deep sleep you want to be enjoying.
Oh the irony of it all.
And how I hate myself when I have to get up before him in the morning, and find myself creeping silently around the bedroom, just in case I wake him up.
Please tell me I am not alone!