ABUSE ORDEAL OR JUST GROPED

Can I be alone in questioning the increasing amount of ‘victims’ coming out of the woodwork some 50 and more years after their ‘abuse ordeal’?

Whilst I acknowledge rape is, and will always be a hideous thing to either perpetrate or endure’, I do feel there are some women who have chosen to let much lesser ordeals blight their life, using it as an excuse for every relationship breakdown, and a reason why their life has turned out the way it has.

A recent letter in the press told of how a ‘mature woman’ had her whole life blighted by an assault which had taken place some 40 years earlier, and the attack had left her feeling useless and afraid to be normal and that her family had turned against her.

REALLY?

Why would you feel ‘useless’ and ‘afraid to be normal’? Why would friends and family ‘shun’ you over something that was not your fault?

Shouldn’t women accept ‘some’ responsibility for continually dwelling on their admittedly horrible experiences and, instead of using it as a reason for every other misfortune that has happened since prefer to put it behind them and get on with their lives?

As a 16-year-old girl working in the East End of London in the late 60s, I too experienced the indignity of being ‘groped’ by my then boss, on almost a daily basis. My bum was regularly pinched by much older men, and as young office juniors, my friends and I were easy targets for the lecherous company Director when he demanded we accompany him on unnecessary journey’s in his Rolls Royce, where his clammy hand would land on our thigh and would have travelled further without a sharp slap and a shout of ‘get off’.

It went on all the time, it was part of life which we laughed off, describing him simply as a ‘dirty old man’ and if cornered by someone else whose intentions were even more inappropriate, a loud, more enhanced version of ‘go away’ worked wonders.

Things were different in every way back then, and I just don’t feel the police and media should react to things that happened in the 60s with the same zero intolerance level which we now apply in 2022

How can you define now, what constituted actual ‘sexual abuse’ back then? It probably had a different meaning to different types of women.  An unwanted kiss on the lips may be described as an assault by one woman, but completely ignored by another.  A male hand against a female breast may be brushed off by a strong-minded street-wise girl, but be seen as something far more sinister by another less worldly woman.

 One thing is for sure, to let any man’s inappropriate behaviour blight your life for 50 years, is surely only prolonging his power over you. You are only a ‘victim’ if you allow yourself to continue to be one, and possibly only have yourself to blame if you choose to let these experiences ruin your life.

Let’s be clear here, rape is a totally different situation, to someone having their bum pinched. I do not wish to trivialise in any way the trauma some people have been through. Let’s not blur these lines.

Have you ever experienced ‘wandering hands’, or something more sinister?