KNICKERS TO YOU!

Well you lot can laugh all you like, but if you are anything like me, you can
often judge your relationship status by size of your knickers.

If you are in the throes of a brand new sizzling relationship, then you are probably at, or in, as it were, the matching skimpies stage.

If quickies are jumping out at you from all corners of your new romantic  life, then getting ‘caught short’ so to speak, in a pair of belly warmers doesn’t bear thinking about.

You are on high alert,  appropriately underdressed, and ready for action at all times.

You’ll have stocked up on, lacy knickers, French knickers, and silky knickers. Cotton gussets no longer feature on your underwear horizon.  Saggy knickers are consigned to the bin, or if you are of a, make do and mend disposition,  rehomed in a bucket under the sink and renamed ‘Duster’.

You must be incredibly old if you feel it is acceptable to use a pair of old drawers as a duster,  unless of course you are over 85.  What’s more, if  someone has put some happy back into your lady bits in the autumn of your life,  then I’d say, fuck dusting your chandeliers,….. swing from them instead.     Ladies knickers

I DIGRESS…..

Then time moves on doesn’t it. Not only do you move into a comfort zone with your new beau, you move into a comfy knickers zone too.  Gradually, there becomes two parts to your undies drawer.

Every day pants, on the left, lace edged, a cheeky bow here and there, comfortable, yet still with a nod to the inner sexy you, but your special occasion, sexy thongs and strings are tucked away on the right, waiting for that waft of ‘come hither’ aftershave, that means, ……..well, you know what it means.

But how long I wonder before you are regularly browsing the ‘high leg, cotton gusset, full pant’ section again, instead of rocking an uncomfortable world wide wedgie!

Yes, I know we’ve all still got our holiday mini’s, and ‘hold your muffin top in’ maxi’s,  but go on, admit it ladies, sometimes you just can’t beat your favourite pair of BIG PANTS!

Knickers Bridget

..

BLACK LEGGINGS ~ LOVE THEM OR LOATHE THEM?

Whoever invented them should be punched hard, on one side of their face, and smothered with kisses on the other. Has one item of clothing ever been so loved and hated in equal measures?

Loved, I would guess, mainly by women, hated, I can confidently say, mainly by men.  does my bum look big in this. H60

Every autumn, when bare leg days are behind us, I vow that when the chill does finally come to the air, and it’s time for chunky jumpers and warm jackets, I will NOT, most definitely NOT succumb to wearing that ‘capsule’ item of clothing found lurking in almost every woman’s wardrobe, BLACK LEGGINGS.  But every year, I always do, and I hate myself for it.

But aren’t they oh so easy to wear, so comfy, so cosy and best of all, so flipping cheap!  Perhaps therein lies the irony of it all.

Many girls pop on leggings these days, almost the same way they pop on their knickers, they wear them EVERY time they go out.  It’s only their tops and shoes, which change, depending on the destination.

Leggings have become the young Mum’s uniform of choice. Teamed with baggy T shirts and woolly socks for indoors. Baggy T shirts, a waterfall cardi and flip flops for a trip to the local shops. Baggy T shirt, jacket and Ugg boots for the school run, and if they are really pushing the boat out, hardly any T shirt at all, and SPARKLY leggings, with sky high shoes for clubbing.  Dress ‘em up, dress ‘em down. Anything goes.

Having said that, it’s quite a challenge dressing leggings ‘down’ any further than they already ultimately go.

But what about us more ‘mature’ ladies.   Have you said, Hello Sixty, bring it on, but I won’t be a slave to fashion. I can’t wear leggings at my age, they are far too unkind to my figure, it’s  not what it was.  Jeggings are the way forward for me!

Regardless of age, should we look on leggings, as our comfortable friends, or are they the work of the ‘does my arse, tummy, hips, thighs, and legs, look big in this’ fat fairy in a bad mood.

Do you wear them to Waitrose, or are they something you prefer just to wear in the privacy of your own home.

Men hate leggings, and that’s a fact.  I recall in the late 80’s when leggings first became popular, a ‘gentleman friend’ of mine once commented that the sight of me, in leggings, reminded him of Max Wall.

Max Wall H60I’m still wounded. He is not my friend anymore. Max Wall indeed.

But what is it about leggings that turn men off so much. I mean they are black, and they cover your legs, pretty much like stockings, but I guess that’s where the similarity ends.

Leggings clearly do not have the same appeal to men, as a silky 10 denier black lacy edged stocking.  But both are black, both cover the length of your legs, but I think they occupy the same space in a man’s head as tights, without the gusset.

SUCH a great word GUSSET. It’s worthy of a mention for no other reason.   Black stockings. H 60

Strange isn’t it that many things that men find sexy, are so bloody uncomfortable. Suspenders. Corsets. Stilettoes……you know it’s true.

 

How typical, that something as comfy as leggings, should be
such a turn off.

So tell us where you stand on the legging front.

Will you be wearing them loud and proud this winter, or could nothing persuade you to go there!

 

Photo’s courtesy of Flickr and Amazon.

STOP THE HYSTERIA OVER HISTORICAL GROPING!

 

This is not the first time I’ve written about historic cases of sexual assault, which really should be downgraded to…. inappropriate groping by men who should have know better.

I fully expect that there are some women who will totally disagree with my sentiments. But I was pleased to note the voice of reason in an article by Rachel Johnson in last week’s edition of the Mail on Sunday. Rachel Johnson. the good web guide.co.uk

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2780848/RACHEL-JOHNSON-Bad-luck-Charlotte-arresting-old-gropers-just-waste-time.html

Of course, it goes without saying, that rape is, was, and always shall be the most appalling of crimes and I can do no better than echo this statement made by Ms Johnson.

 When it comes to rape and paedophilia, there should be no statute of limitations on sins of the past. Go get ’em, dead or alive, I say.’   And well said her.

But really, how much more taxpayers money is going to be spent pursuing now ageing minor celebrities of yesteryear, for pinching a pretty girls bum or getting a bit too up close and personal with a pair of pert boobs.

How many more wandering hands of the 70’s and 80’s must be now sacrificed so that whoever feels they have been ‘assaulted’ can now get justice for their suffering and move on from whatever terrible thing that has blighted their life.

Have these incidents really been SO terrible, that they warrant ruining a man’s life, just for a thoughtless act of impropriety. Or, as Rachel Johnson advises in her previous column would possibly a swift kick in the balls and a sincere apology to any female he humiliated might be more of a fitting punishment.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2772320/RACHEL-JOHNSON-DLT-didn-t-need-trial-just-kick-hurts.html

Most of these men, now being hauled off for hours of questioning at police stations across the land, are in their mid-50’s to late 60’s they are around the same age as many of the readers of my blog Hello Sixty.   I don’t know about you, but I have enough trouble recalling where I was, and what I was doing LAST year, let alone 30-40 years ago, which is when many of these incidents allegedly occurred.

How the heck are they supposed to defend themselves against a perhaps bitter female, who simply wants to jump on the main chance Jimmy Savile bandwagon.

How ironic that his name was spelt Savile, with only one L, making him truly ‘vile’. That was indeed one cap that truly fitted!

Of course, it has be acknowledged that there are wildly differing degrees of severity within the ‘sexual assault’ crime. But the word ‘groping’ to me, does not constitute a sexual assault.

If ‘groping’ DOES indeed constitute a sexual assault, then, as a young, petite blonde, I was probably sexually assaulted more times than I care to recall throughout the late 60’s and 70’s, but strangely enough, I’ve got better things to do now than even think about it, and even if I could recall a single face, name, time, place, rather than let any incident ‘blight my life’, I simply slapped a hand, and often a face, and yelled a pretty short and sharp, GET LOST!

Do you agree, or disagree with my thoughts, or have you encountered the odd groper yourself?

 

Photo of Ms Johnson courtesy of TheGoodWebGuide.co.uk

 

SOD OFF INSOMNIA !

From the moment we are born, sleep comes high on the agenda of our life. As babies we are rocked and soothed into a sublime state of peacefulness with chubby tummies full of milky goodness.

As parents, we negotiate with tired, grumpy toddlers, recalcitrant children and moody teenagers, to get them into bed for a ‘good night’s sleep’, which we know will not only restore their good mood, it will, by association, restore our sanity into the bargain.

How ironic therefore, that once our offspring have flown the nest, and we could enjoy our own good night’s sleep, undisturbed by colicky babies, children with nightmares, and noisy teenagers, the insomnia fairy comes calling and like an unwelcome guest at a party, simply will not leave!

If you have trouble sleeping, no doubt you’ve had the same sage advice as me, to follow something called sleep hygiene. A nice warm bath, a milky drink, turn off your technology and get into the routine of winding down before you get into bed.  Follow the rules and you’ll sleep like a baby. Sleeping angel.

Except you probably won’t.

Are you like me, is this what happens next?   Your thoughts suddenly go into overdrive, then you get a quaintly called, ear worm that plays you a random song.  Yes, I’ve endured many a Godly hymn on a loop at a fairly ungodly hour!

Then it’s tossing and turning, plumping up the pillows, going to the loo, throwing covers off, doing some deep breathing, counting sheep or stars, and more than likely going to the loo again, just to be on the safe side.

Nothing works, how frustrating it all is.

The experts tell us to distract our minds. Get up, and go into another room. I wonder what you are supposed to do in ‘the other room’.

Remember the ‘ no technology, no screens’ mantra, which rules out watching Emmerdale on catch up, and attempting The Times crossword is probably best avoided too.

I head for the kitchen. Tea and toast is my preferred middle of the night distraction. I laugh in the face of the minuscular shot of caffeine from Yorkshires finest brew, the way I’m feeling it can’t make me feel any worse!  Toast.

The dog raises his head as the waft of my toast and peanut butter finds his nose, but he’s enjoying a lovely rabbity dream, and carries on snoozing.  Let sleeping dogs lie, and all that.

They say the longest hours are just before dawn, but for me, and some of you, I know the longest hours are ALL the hours you are not sleeping!

Around this point, I often wonder what is the most civilised time to emerge from the bedroom to start the day, and what will I do once I get up.  It’s too early to start hovering, and I’ve already had my breakfast, hours ago when the moon was still shining.

But on saying a cheery ‘Good Morning’ to your nearest and dearest, and commenting on your disturbed night, isn’t it so annoying when some bright spark says to you. ‘You just think you didn’t sleep, you probably weren’t awake for very long at all’

You mutter in a fairly forceful tone, ‘actually, I was awake all night’, but they never believe you.

Does the insomnia fairy rent a room in your house too?

WHITE DEE ~ SHE’S NOT SO WRONG!

It’s usually agreed that the two subjects never to raise at the dinner party table, are religion and politics and I for one can’t usually find the enthusiasm to discuss either, as I would probably be sent to the gallows, or find myself redirected down, instead of up when it comes to the heaven/hell bound afterlife lift.

However, I’m dipping my toe in the murky political waters, and offering up an observation about a couple of people who have made headline news for very different reasons over the last week or so.

There will be no flowery words, nor are my observations based on any indepth political knowledge.  It’s just the thoughts of little old me.

Brooks Newmark, ah yes, that name might ring a bell with you.  He is  the Conservative MP for a town very near to where I actually live and as such, I’m presuming, was elected to represent the members of his constituency, listen to their concerns, and act upon them to the greater good of all concerned.   Brooks Newmark. Daily Mail.

He was also the MP caught out in a journalist sting, when he took the questionable decision to allegedly expose himself on camera to who he thought was a young female admirer, whilst  wearing some natty paisley pyjama’s.

Never a wise selfie for a Politician really.

Accordingly Mr Newmark has resigned from his ministerial post as Minister for Civil Society, which is rather ironic as I don’t consider showing your dangly bits on a webcam, particularly ‘civil’ behaviour.  But hey we’ve all got a dark side I guess.

But regardless of all this, I feel in retrospect that to stand as an MP for the particular constituency which he still represents at the moment, was another of his questionable decisions..

What on earth was HE thinking?  Let’s just quickly look at his credentials.  Mr Newmark reportedly lives in a £15 million home in London, he has major connections with Lehman Brothers,  and counts amongst his friends the US Secretary of State  John Kerry.

Yes I can see that he has lots in common with his constituents in Braintree, one of the least affluent market towns in Essex, and where one of the highest number of single parent families reside, mostly in housing association properties, not to mention it’s extremely high rate of unemployment. So how can this  privileged man possibly identify with their problems and issues is truly beyond me.

In 2010, Brooks won the newly configured seat of Braintree, increasing his majority to 16,121. As part of the new Coalition Government, Brooks was appointed a Senior Government Whip with responsibility for the Department of Business and the Wales Office and later was given responsibility for the Department for International Development (DFID) and the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister until September 2012. During this time, Brooks was a Lord Commissioner of HM Treasury. At the end of 2012, Brooks was elected to the Treasury Select Committee.

One wonders how much empathy he can genuinely show to Mr Average Constituent, at his ‘surgery’, and how do they actually relate and engage with him, during their allotted appointment.   How can he possibly understand the problems that must have regularly been brought to his blue door. I do appreciate that it’s horses for courses and the population of Braintree will gravitate towards which ever MP they have sworn allegiance to, but for the residents of Braintree, I fear his latest quote….. ‘I hope people will balance the good I’ve done for the community over the years, with a foolish thing I did one evening’…. , will fall on deaf ears.

No chance mate, I think you may well be joining the ranks of the unemployed sooner than you think.  The people of Braintree are an unforgiving lot, and I predict a surge for UKIP in next week’s by elections, and you’ll be out in the cold with nothing but your jim jams.

BUT, on a different note, despite her dubious qualifications, another person who probably COULD represent the aforementioned town much more effectively has also hit the headlines this week for a more positive reason and is non other than Deirdre Kelly, better known as ‘White Dee’, who, at first glance is a very in your face kind of woman, however, here is how she enlightened the Tory Party Conference, and in my view, by jove she’s not wrong.   White Dee telly mix.co.uk

First and foremost, she may switch from Labour to UKIP but says that Iain Duncan Smith is not doing his job properly…

Dee said that the Welfare and Pensions Secretary was “out of touch with the real world”.

“The more common you are the more in touch you are”…

Listen up Boris, Cameron and Clegg. “Just because you are a little bit common doesn’t mean that you are stupid and you wouldn’t be able to have a good input,” she said. “I think the more common you are the more in touch you are with real people, so yes [becoming an MP] would be something I would consider.”

David Cameron doesn’t need to worry about her competing for his job yet…

“[Running for parliament] is something I would think about, but obviously I wouldn’t object to starting at the bottom – I wouldn’t want to go straight in and have David Cameron’s job.

“I would think about it because I am interested in politics and I am interested in normal people and I am interested in the country.”

Job centres need to be less judgemental…

“I have experienced some not very nice job centres,” she said. “You do just go in, you sit down, you are looked down upon.

“They just need to understand that, just because you are on benefits does not mean that you are not a real person. Just because you are on benefits doesn’t mean that you are not physically looking for a job.”

Do you agree with some or all of her observations, or is she just a gobby cow who should get herself back to her Benefit Street and take her opinions with her!

~~

 Photo’s courtesy of the Daily Mail and Telemix

TINDER ~ MADE ME SEE RED!

Tinder Well for anyone who has missed it, TINDER is a phone app for, let’s call it, making a connection with someone based mainly on their looks and location!  Already a pretty shallow way of finding your one and only,  but hey, let’s not judge an phone app by it’s cover.  And after all as the strap line  on the Tinder website is ‘It’s how people meet’, it must be true!

The premise  is, that you sign up on your mobile phone, and Tinder uses images accessed from your Facebook page for your profile on the app.  This requires careful planning as many people  look like a dog………..

Once you have signed up, a selection of pictures appears on your screen with the option to swipe the picture away, either left or right, according to if you ‘like’ the picture of the person, or if you think they look like a mad person; and that’s being kind.

If you ‘like’ someone, and they ‘like’ you back, it’s called a match, and a text box opens for you to begin to communicate. It couldn’t be easier really. Of course a degree of cynicism has to be exercised. Why for example do a high percentage of the men on Tinder feel that the bathroom is a suitable backdrop for that all important profile picture, oh and there’s a wedding ring, and the same lovely lady in many a mans pictures.

But JUST  for the purpose of research, (of course), I dipped my twinkly toe into the red hot coals of Tinder and here is what happened!

Let’s call him ‘Jim’ clearly took a shine to my picture, and ‘Jim’ was the best out of a disappointingly bad bunch. But as I had clicked ‘like’ and he had clicked ‘like’, we were deemed to be a match and so the conversation begun.

Early one morning  ‘Jim’ said ‘Hi’, and a bit later on  I returned the favour. We got some pleasantries out of the way, our location ( I’m lazy, I already knew that 20 miles was way too far to go just for a coffee) and our relationship status, boxes ticked, and we both appeared to be (not) so young, free and single.  RESULT!

Then things took surprising turn, and not in a good way.   ‘Jim’ asked me what I did for a job.  Wedding Co-ordinator I told him, and that I was just off to work.  He replied saying that he would love to see some more pictures of me and was sitting in his basement at his computer,  imagining me going to my office in a short skirt and high heels.   WHAT!!??   My immediate thought was one that I often use in such circumstances….. Oh For F**K Sake!

Ever the realist, I burst his bubble straight away, telling him that happily it was an informal day at the office and I’d be in my comfy jeans and trainers.   He came straight back even more insistently asking for more photo’s, and implying that WHEN I sent them, he was sure  they would be very sexy and he couldn’t wait to see them.   REALLY?!

A few more messages filtered in during the  day, and I recall that it was not a particularly good day at the office, so later that evening, under the influence of a few tads of annoyance and a few glasses of Merlot, I fired back a ‘do one’ message to ‘Jim’ telling him in no uncertain terms that his messages were bordering on offensive, and he needed to rethink his Tinder strategy if he really was hoping for a LTR. (Long term Relationship in dating speak).

Fair play to ‘Jim’ he came straight back and suggested we start all over again from the beginning.   Errrrr……NO I don’t think so Jim.  DELETE!

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/nov/23/tinder-shallowest-dating-app-ever

This online article gives a much more indepth over view of Tinder and over a few days, I too received other messages that might have been written by a 5 year old but were supposedly from fully grown men.

However, if you do find yourself a bit bored on a cold winter evening, and need some light entertainment, sign up, if only for the amusement value of stalking men in bathrooms.

Have you ever had a Tinder experience, good or bad ?

 

Logo courtesy of Wikipedia.com

 

 

STOPTOBER IS MY STARTOBER!

So today, 1st October is, so the media would have us believe, a day for stopping.

Stopping smoking, and/or stopping drinking for 30 days.  STOPTOBER

I foresee some grumpy people on the horizon and a possible surge in the divorce rate. As I don’t smoke, and I take one small glass of Merlot every evening at wine o’clock for medicinal purposes only, and very often I take two , just to be on the safe side, there  is nothing attractive to me about STOPTOBER at all.   Not to mention the fact that there is no financial reward for abstaining.

Wine glasses

But I’ve decided 1st October will instead, be a start date for me to commit to rambling away on my blog not just occasionally, but EVERY day for a whole month, in the hope that I will have amused, challenged and possibly inspired someone, somewhere, by 1st November!

I can’t promise my missives will be peppered with images everyday, as this is all about the writing, and as I do have a proper job, my blog posts might be short or long, depending on the alertness of my brain after dealing with Bridezilla of the day.

Today is all about procrastination and avoidance.   You know, that thing when you go to bed at night, determined that tomorrow you will write, you will be creative, you will get that idea out of your head and onto your blog.

First draftsIn fact onto anywhere really would be an achievement.

But then some far more important things occupy MY day, such as worming and defleaing the dog. Such as repeatedly looking on Ryanair to see if the flight I want is actually now showing at the advertised sale price of£19.99, instead of the exorbitant £119.99 just because teachers need a holiday.  Such as spending an unacceptable amount of time searching for red leather boots on Ebay with just the right height heel, and wide enough  to accommodate my bunions.

That sort of important.

Along with wanting to write there are so many other things I want to do in October.

I want to visit my lovely cyber mate Sandra, when we shall consume vast quantities of Cava, and dream up even more successful projects like Writers on Spain. #WOS

I want to do some training which might enhance my chances of propping up my meagre pension when I finally get back to Spain. That’s a when I get back to Spain,  NOT if I get back to Spain.  BIG DIFFERENCE…..  Please note!

I want to sell all those things that come under the heading of ‘if you haven’t used it, worn it, looked at it for a year, get rid of it’.  Yes, honestly, I’m on it,  I will, but I’d rather be writing!  Which brings me to avoidance.

Is avoiding writing my blog some kind of subliminal lack of confidence on my part, no matter how many rounds of applause I get when I do finally get something ‘out there’, perhaps good, never seems good enough for me!  Big glasses and computer.

Have I anything vaguely interesting to say which people might want to read, and if they read my blog once, will they return for another look?  I hope so.

For me, I think it’s more about time management. I constantly wonder to myself ‘where does the day go’, and a bit later on you can see an exact example of how one of my days went here  http://www.eyeonspain.com/blogs/rosiewalters.aspx  don’t look for it too soon, I am pacing myself!

But at least it did give me content for a blog post, so the day was not entirely lost!

What ‘important’ things stop you from doing what you really should be doing?

Oh and please pop back here tomorrow, and see what day 2 has to offer.